GREG VADIMSKY

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Greg & Brian's Demented Christmas

by Greg & Brian

Released 12/21/2017
Grv
Released 12/21/2017
Grv
Central Florida's favorite duo whips up a heapin' helpin' of home-cooked hysteria for the holidays! Subject matter includes: creepy street people, bisexual reindeer, swingers, crass commercialism, thinly veiled innuendo, medicinal products, and balls.
  • 00:46 Lyrics
    Orange Blossom Christmas (The O.B.T. Orlando Song)

    Have an Orange Blossom Christmas. If you feel a little queer, there's a rave that's called The Cave where leather guys drink beer.

    Have an Orange Blossom Christmas, and when you walk down that street, say hello to Crackhead Joe and pimps and gimps you meet.

    Ho's ho's on O.B.T. cost too much for me. Somebody shoots at you... in your pants you pee.

    Have an Orange Blossom Christmas. Stay away from those girls' rears, 'cause they smell like possum.

    Have an Orange Blossom Christmas this year!!

  • 01:37 Lyrics
    Rudolf

    Rudolf, the red-assed reindeer had a hairy, hiney rose. Prancer ignored his love pit. Cupid even saved his loads.

    All of the uptight reindeer used to laugh at how he flamed. They never bent poor Rudolf, boinking all their reindeer dames.

    Then one lonely Christmas Eve, Santa came to play (hey!). "Rudolf, with your hole so red, won't you drive my f***in' sled?"

    Then all the reindeer tagged him, plowed him in and out with glee.

    Rudolf, the red-assed reindeer, you'll go down in history.

    Then all the reindeer tagged him, plowed him in and out with glee.

    Rudolf, the red-assed reindeer, you'll go down in history.  You go down, it's history.

  • 01:45 Lyrics
    Oh Cum on Ye, Grateful

    Oh cum on ye, grateful, joyful and climactic. Oh cum on here, oh cum there, on Beth, Les, and Clem.

    We have been swinging for 13 or 14 years (oh cum), lettuce needs dressing; two lips impressing.

    Get us some napkins, it's time for school.

    There's cum on the bar stool, running down the legs now. There's cum in your hair, dear, and it's not mine.

    Cum on the stairwell. Careful, or you'll break your ass. (There's cum). Someone's cumming. 

    (There's cum) and there's humming. Enough to use in our Slip 'n' Slide. (Wooh!)

    I came in the fishbowl, you came on my snow cone. We came here, we came there, a thousand times.

    Each new adventure: I came on Granny's dentures. (Such fun) in the sun with cum. (Such fun) chewing gum with cum.

    Explodes in your mouth, hun, but shhhhhh..... we're in church!

  • 04:07 Lyrics
    The Worst Christmas Carol

    This is the worst Christmas carol you'll ever hear this year. It really doesn't rhyme so well, but mentions kegs of beer.

    It mostly was inspired by way too much good cheer. We'll probably all be comatose when Santa Claus gets here.

    Everybody at the office is watching every dime, and cursing out the Congress, who keeps what's yours and mine.

    In fact, that's why this carol was written just in time, to cash in on the holidays, and buy me better wine.

    I'm all for peace and happiness as long as we all win. I'd like to take the terrorists and drown them in cheap gin. 

    And anyone who tells me that everything's a sin can kiss me under mistletoe where the sun has never been.

    Now, Santa is an elf, you know, and Rudolf's nose sure glows. Frosty keeps our drinks cold while we remove our clothes.

    We'll make some Christmas magic once we've finished with the bows. I hope that I can keep this clean and not discuss who blows.

    So when it's Christmas morning, and no one has awoke, because of all the rum balls in which we've all been soaked.

    Our New Year's resolution: to try and not go broke, so we can celebrate next year and buy a little toke!!

    This is the worst Christmas carol..... (yeah!!!!!!!)

  • 03:35 Lyrics
    Yule Log

    The best gift that you had all year, wrapped all tight like your righteous rear.

    You'll get to see it when the guests aren't here, 'cause that's when Santa's near.

    You cracked all those nuts with your wooden dolls, and hung all that sugar from your velvet walls.

    I'll be beating like a drummer as I deck your halls; coming down your chimney like Niagara Falls.

    (CHORUS): Gonna put my yule log right in your fireplace, and spread my tool nog all over our space.

    You can take my jewel grog in your warm embrace. I'll enjoy your drool bog slowly, at a fine pace!

    Now, some say this holiday's not for real, but they know how to cook, yet they can't congeal. 

    What they really need is a nice, hot meal. A long winter's night to really seal the deal. (CHORUS)

    Then, in the morning, look at all the snow! Don't wake the children, 'cause I start to grow a new fir tree for you, ho ho ho!

    Your pet yule log's ready, go go go!  Grow...grow....grow....grow!!! (CHORUS)

    (I LOVE your Yule Log!!!!)

  • 04:21 Lyrics
    Green Leafy Tree

    It's a festive situation that's affecting all the nation, improving our sensations without investigation

    This year we'll decorate and feel so free; our legal medication that makes us so hungry

    Our buds help us fly, way up high, green leafy tree...

    Herbs and spices mix so well and lend a hint of magic; make us dance like sugarplums and stop us feeling spastic

    We're waving to the police as we're lighting up tonight, and all this green around us makes the frost more snowy white

    Our buds help us fly, way up high, green leafy tree...

    Peace around the world achieved by a piece of friendly krypto-weed; solving all the problems in the economy

    The armies all forget to fight, no more bomb factories; and enemies, they go to sleep and dream of endless seas

    of green leafy, team spliffy, green leafy, green leafy trees...

    Our buds help us fly, way up high, green leafy tree...

    It's a festive situation that's affecting all the nation, improving our sensations without investigation,

    This year we'll decorate and feel so free; our legal medication that makes us so hungry,

    Our buds help us fly, way up high, green leafy tree...

    Oh, our buds help us fly, way up high, green leafy tree...

    It's a festive situation... green leafy tree... green leafy tree... 

  • 03:45 Lyrics
    Drinkin' with Santa

    I've worked on this assembly line and built every kind of toy; 'seems just like a hundred years of giving so much joy

    In all this time I've never even seen or met the boss; but now at this here party, we are gonna hit the sauce (and I mean sauce!)

    Yeah I'll be drinkin' with Santa and maybe drive the sleigh; spy on sleeping ladies, Lord, or roll 'em in the hay

    I may be just a little guy but now I'm on my way; 'cause I'm sinkin' 'em with Santa and here comes another tray

    Well, a year has passed and now I find myself the chief V.P. of Santa's R and R, and V and O, and J and B

    Well, I never thought an elf could stand quite as tall as me; but hold that thought and solo, in the key of P......

    Mrs. Claus is pissed again, we got in just near dawn; she doesn't like it when he plays with elves out on the lawn

    Sometimes all the snow girls, they beg to join our fun; but then Santa lets it loose and decorates their festive buns.. (decoratin'!!)

    Yeah, I'll be drinkin' with Santa and maybe drive the sleigh; spy on sleeping ladies, Lord, or roll 'em in the hay

    I may be just a little guy but now I'm on my way; 'cause I'm sinkin' 'em with Santa and here comes another tray

    I'll be drinkin' with Santa and maybe drive the sleigh; I'll be spyin' on sleeping sleeping ladies, Lord, and roll 'em in the hay

    Well, I may be just a little guy but now I'm on my way; 'cause I'll be sinkin' 'em with Santa and here comes another tray

    Yeah, I'll be sinkin' 'em with Santa and here comes another tray; 'cause I've been drinkin' with Santa and here comes another tray!

    (boogie, Baby!)  

     

     

  • 03:10 Lyrics
    Do You Smell What I Smell?

    Said the drunken party guest to the cat, "Do you smell what I smell?

    A turd, a turd, somewhere in the house, and the cat promptly hawked a hairball out, then the human cursed about his gout.

    Someone's caught in the fireplace again. Do you smell what I smell?

    Two boots on fire and a big fat guy, stupid git shouldn't try to surprise. Now the flames, they're licking at his thighs.

    See the fruitcake rotting on the plate... do you smell what I smell?

    No one has touched it for the last nine years but they still bring it out all the same. It's alcohol quotient is insane.

    (play it baby...)  Now our syphilitic cousin has arrived. Do you smell what I smell?

    A fish, a fish, or something like a fish coming from his fingers and his lips. Oh, he'll sleep with anything with tits, yeah...

    See, this song, it is turning into shite. Do you smell what I smell?

    A hit, a hit, an offensive hit, and a big old F.C.C. fine; F**k it, suck on my vine. (suck on his vine)

    Yeah, F**k it, suck on my vine. (suck on his vine.......)

     

  • 04:23 Lyrics
    Blue Balls for My Tree

    She got promoted, yet another job in which she had to travel. It's been 3 months since we were able to be horizontal.

    All through the Autumn, leaves were falling, not libido. Friends all dating every weekend. Selfies were all taken solo.

    Here come the joyous many, all looking up and filled with glee, as I sit here alone with Benny, watching him lick his peepee.

    'Wish I was just a dog, too, instead of being me. This year without my baby, I know it's gonna be,

    I know it's gonna be... blue balls for my tree.

    I got demoted, just another slob, without my lady to plunder. It's been 6 months since we tasted goodies way down under.

    All through the Winter, snow was freezing, same as me. Enemies seemed happy, but I could only pummel my weewee.

    Here come the joyous many, all looking up and filled with glee, as I sit here alone with Benny, watching him lick his peeppe.

    'Wish I was just a dog, too, instead of being me. This year without my baby, I know it's gonna be,

    I know it's gonna be... blue balls for my tree. Blue balls for my tree. Blue balls for my tree. Blue balls for my tree.............

     

  • 03:49 Lyrics
    The Magic Christmas Beaver

    When it's cold outside and everything is quiet; you're alone, all snug tight in your bed, 

    Hoping that this year will bring some different cheer, and won't disturb the warm thoughts in your head.

    A silent, snow-swept forest, each mighty woody trunk; hoping that there is no jinx in place upon your junk...

    The Magic Christmas Beaver brings joy to every boy; she jingles and she jangles, her sushi needs no soy.

    She gnaws upon your wood so good and never plays it coy; the Magic Christmas Beaver could be your favorite toy!

    At breakfast in the morning your mama wants to know the reason that you're smiling so much.

    You really cannot tell her, or even give a hint about that furry mammal and her touch.

    A silent, snow-swept forest, each mighty woody trunk; hoping that there is no jinx in place upon your junk...

    The Magic Christmas Beaver brings joy to every boy; she jingles and she jangles, her sushi needs no soy.

    She gnaws upon your wood so good and never plays it coy; the Magic Christmas Beaver could be your favorite toy, yes!

    All things good to those who wait... Eat your dinner, masticate!!!!!!!

    The Magic Christmas Beaver brings joy to every boy; she jingles and she jangles, her sushi needs no soy.

    She gnaws upon your wood so good and never plays it coy; the Magic Christmas Beaver could be your favorite toy 

    (could be your favorite toy!)  The Magic Christmas Beaver brings joy to every boy; she jingles and she jangles,

    her sushi needs no soy. She gnaws upon your wood so good and never plays it coy; the Magic Christmas Beaver... 

    could be your favorite toy. (could be your favorite toy!) 

    Hey, everybody?  Ya wanna sing it again?  (No!)..........................TOUGH!                   (alright)

    The Magic Christmas Beaver brings joy to every boy; she jingles and she jangles, her sushi needs no soy.

    She gnaws upon your wood so good and never plays it coy; the Magic Christmas Beaver could be your favorite toy.

    (could be your favorite toy) (I'm getting tired of this) The Magic Christmas Beaver brings joy... brings joy

    (Merry Christmas!) (Happy New Year!)

NOTES
Orange Blossom Trail in Orlando will never be the same. With this album, it has been visited upon by bisexual (and inter-species-curious) reindeer, swingers with a fetish for fluids, crass commercialism for fun and profit, pounding rhythms of chimney sweeping festive trunks, clouds of glowing inspiration, ladder-climbing elves with a penchant for debauchery, litterboxes, fruitcakes, STDs, provocatively outrageous claims, self-abuse, and warm furry lovin' critters.

Greg & Brian and their management apologize in advance for any harm possibly to result.